POV: You’re in my car at an empty parking lot while we spill our thoughts out because there’s nothing else to do.
Hi everyone! Happy Late Halloween and welcome back to my blog. I am currently writing this as I’m sitting in my car at the empty parking lot of my high school (and no I didn’t peak in high school, don't assume that just because I went there). The reason why I am home today is because I had some family things at home to deal with but I’m extremely happy to be back. This post is gonna be structured differently. If any of you are close enough with me you guys know how much I am a sucker for a good conversation. I spent many nights and days with friends having deep conversations and thoughts in my car. My car has always been the go-to spot to have these conversations and there are 3 pivotal spots that I go to My Old High School, McCullough Park, and Some random spot in Shria/Caleb’s Neighborhood. I won’t disclose too much of that but if you ever are at McCullough and you see my car, just know why I’m there. But anyway, I want you to picture that you are in my car right now having a conversation with me because I miss having my car at my disposal and having these talks. But like always, there's no specific order to what I say because I tend to get sidetracked so bare with me. (P.S, even if I don’t have my car, I’m always down for a conversation so hmu! I'll find a place to go)
Like all my car talks, I always have a few specific playlists playing during these it but I don’t really know what the mood is for this one so I’m just gonna list some of my favorite songs for the night car talks and you can listen to them for fun or queue them or idc. But they’re all great songs I promise:)
striptease by carwash
good days by sza (the last 40 seconds... absolutely beautiful)
ozone by chase atlantic
desire by jeremy zucker
twenty something by nightly
the movies by nightly
hangover by ag club
into it by chase atlantic
stay by post malone
home by fiji
no vacancy by nightly
sparks by coldplay
anything 4 u by lany
And feel free to send me any song suggestions, I’m open to anything!
Anyways, I am gonna be home all this week and I’ll be driving to school and going to the gopher football game on Saturday. While I am loving college, I also hate it (Just the school part at least). College has given me so many opportunities and experiences and friends that I’ll forever cherish but waking up and going to class is so hard. I’ve always considered myself a pretty average student that had some struggles every now and then but I made it out of high school alive doing the bare minimum and now I realize I can’t just do the bare minimum.
College for me it’s been a really big eye-opening moment.
But anyways, A few months ago I kept telling everyone that I would never go home during college because I don’t see why anyone would, and now I am currently at home. Since school started I’ve been home a total of three times and they’ve only been a day but this is the first time that I’m staying home longer than a day and it feels weird because I think I’m gonna get too comfortable here and not want to go back. I spent so much time making fun of other people for going back home but honestly being at home is what I needed. I wasn’t homesick because I’ll always have the reassurance that my family only lives 15-20 minutes away but it’s more that I miss the life that I had before college. Again I love college so much and I am having the best time of my life but I guess the transition was too quick for me to adjust and now I’m realizing it.
I feel immature for even complaining about my situation because I know there’s worse out there but it feels so weird to have to transition back to school after being online for so long and I guess I never really got back to reality with that. A really big part of the reason why I decided to go home was that I knew that I needed to focus on school and the only way I was gonna do that is if I locked myself in my room at home and grind all my assignments out. I’m not a person that gets distracted very easily so I can learn in any situation but I think I needed better motivation elsewhere and decided to take comfort at my home.
Recently, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my high school friends. Even though 80% of my friends go to the same college as me, we all live in different dorm buildings and I live really far so it’s really hard to try and make time with everyone but I’m so glad that I got the chance to. Even though summer was not my favorite time of the year, for one second it felt nostalgic being back with everyone.
The more that I look around at my old high school I start to realize how much I genuinely miss it. Again I didn’t peak in high school but it was more of the fact that I had half of my high school taken away for me and now that I think about it I went into college “too prepared”. I put that in quotation marks because anyone who knows me knows I was prepared for College but clearly it seems like I’m not put together anymore and I don’t know how else to put it and it’s so frustrating. I want to be able to explain to people why I’m going home for so long but even I can’t put it into words. I think it’s just purely obvious that I’m having a few setbacks at the moment and I needed some time to get my old spark back. I used to have the motivation to do school and hang out with friends all the time but now I am so unmotivated and so physically drained.
On a more positive note, Halloweekend was probably the best weekend I’ve ever had in my entire life. I’ve been at college for about three months now and I’ve gone out every single week and no week has ever topped this weekend. Alyssa was telling me that I looked like I was having a time of my life and she was so right. This Halloween I was a Fairy/Tinker Bell on Friday and then I was a Nurse on Saturday. I was going to go out on Sunday but then I had to go home because I had a family emergency but I would’ve been a cat.
The downside was that it was extremely fucking cold and I still get chills thinking about walking in that weather at night. On the topic of weather, I honestly don’t remember when it just got so cold. The last time I checked it was still hot as fuck outside but I hate heat more than the cold.
Another really fun thing about this weekend was the hockey game. Man, I can ramble about hockey for so long. Anyone who knows me knows that during the wintertime hockey is my only personality. I miss all the high school games and all the memories that I made during the past four years with the program and to this day most people don’t understand How much of an impact hockey had on me even though I was only a manager. I haven’t had much time to look into the NHL that much this season but all I can say is that my team is mediocre and I doubt we’re going to get the Stanley Cup but at least I can hope. #goleafs! But there’s just something so exciting and thrilling being at a hockey game and I don’t think many people realize that.
I remembered when the season passes were coming out for all the sports and I knew so many people who didn’t want to get hockey tickets because they didn’t want to watch them and even though Minnesota was ranked pretty high, some even said we were favored to be first, A lot of my friends didn’t get hockey tickets. It makes me so sad because I wish people would understand the joy in it and I don’t know why anyone would say hockey isn’t fun to watch because there’s so much that goes on and in my opinion as much as I love football, hockey is way more entertaining.
Also, Ryan Johnson #23 I know you’ll never see this but please accept my follow request because I’ve been in love with you since I was 16…. Thank you.
Along with being at home, I was able to take a trip back to our hockey rink in high school to reminisce about the good times.
Anyways, even though my weekend was pretty busy I made sure not to miss the hockey games because if anything is going to make my week it’s going to be those games and it’s so sad that we don’t have any this weekend.
Along with that I also went to a dinner for Joe and Tyler‘s birthday and it was really fun because it felt like a homecoming/formal school dance dinners again before the actual dance. BTW, dinner was always my favorite during those events.
During the past month, I’ve been trying to get back into reading again. I am an avid reader and I used to have a goal of reading 100 books every single year and while it’s very manageable and a doable thing for me every year, being at college has really restricted my time from reading but I’m so glad to have read a few books now and then. If you need any book suggestions let me know! I’d be happy to give some but I’m going to be honest, I’ve only been reading romance or drama and I know it isn’t for everyone. (But romance is definitely my favorite genre so)
And while I’ve gotten back on reading, I also have been watching more TV shows. You guys know that I used to finish a show/season in a day and binge shows for hours but the problem is I don’t have time to do that anymore but I was able to finish the third season of YOU which is REALLY good by the way. I’m so behind on all my Netflix shows but I hope to catch up pretty soon and get back into watching my animes again because life was so much more simple when I was watching anime.
Also, I’ve realized, my blog is entirely very deep, sentimental, and sometimes depressing. When I upload a blog post all I want is the top quality writing content that I can provide. I believe I write my best when I’m being sentimental or deep. I’ve been trying to incorporate different styles of writing into my life but it’s really hard to do that but I’m gonna keep trying because I know that not everyone wants to read something like this all the time, but I’ve also been told that these posts are some of peoples favorites so I’ll try my best to do a mixture of both for the future.
In the meantime I can’t guarantee that this blog will shift completely just because writing is honestly pretty hard and I know that a lot of my friends struggle with it... I would know because I help them write everything. But even though writing comes super easily to me I know that having a different style writing can be really hard to adapt so I’m trying to learn, but just bare with me in the meantime.
If you guys also have any suggestions for what I should write about for my next blog post let me know because I’m always open to new ideas as well.
But anyways, tonight I didn’t just drive back to my high school, I drove to all my favorite places that I used to go to during the summertime when I was alone and bored and it was so refreshing to see everything once again. Even though I don’t go to school very far from home, I don’t really get to see all the places that I used to go to anymore.
I had a conversation about this with a friend not to long ago where Home doesn’t really feel like home anymore and college just feels like summer cap so there’s this constant gap between what we believe is “home” to us nowadays and it’s tough.
In Conclusion, all I can say is even with a really rough week I’m so glad to have such amazing friends and I’ve come to realize how truly lucky I am because of the friends that I have, they’re truly special and there are no others out there like them. I’m so grateful that out of all the people in the world, they’re friends with me. I won’t list names because there are too many but you know who you are, and if you don’t, let’s just say if you think we have a strong bond, I’m probably referring to you. Anyways, I love you guys:)
Thank you for coming to my "car talk", I know it was all very random and out of place, but these talks usually are. I might make posts like these more often to make up for the fact that I can’t have a car talk for a while but till then, have a great rest of your week and I'll see you all next time.
- Sincerely, TT
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