Like with all my posts, I have a picture for each one. This one was hard because I don’t think there is any song out there about turning 19 since it’s such a weird age but I decided this song would be fitting because of the title even though for most of the song I can’t really relate to it. (Nightly is one of my favorite bands ever so I had to add one of their songs)
Hello everyone, this is the long awaited blog post that everyone had been pestering me about for months. Since my last post, people have been asking me about the next one but I haven’t been able to find inspiration to write/ lost on where I wanted to take my future posts on this blog.
As you can read from the title, this post will be about me turning 19! (My favorite odd number<3 ) Last year when I had turned 18 I made a post and I was in my senior year of high school with no idea of what the future would be like for me and while my birthday was on February 28, it’s been over a month since then and I am just bringing this post out which shows I’ve been procrastinating this for too long but I finally decided to get this out so enjoy!
The week of my birthday was a big week because gopher’s basketball and hockey were both playing UW Madison and anyone who knows me knows I LOVE sports and I love a good rival game. Alongside that I was going to have multiple dinners with my friends, lots of time going out and also balancing school work. As many of you know I HATE celebrating my birthday. I never celebrate it and every year that it gets even brought up I shut it down instantly and while many of you might ask why I think a big part of it stemmed from the fact that I hated big crowds of attention like that and birthdays are very hit or miss for me every year because I’ll either be the happiest or the saddest person ever. Luckily for me the past 3 birthdays have been amazing all thanks to my wonderful friends but this year specially it was special because it was the one birthday where my parents didn’t get to see me. I also don’t like to celebrate with my family besides a fancy dinner and etc but since my birthday was on a Monday and I had midterms before spring break, i couldn’t see them till spring break came. Another big thing was that my high school friends weren’t all with me to be there for my birthday and it felt weird being with new people but I’m so happy nonetheless because as much as I miss my high school friends at times like this, my college friends really make me feel at home.
The thing about college is that once people know it’s your birthday everyone is treating you like you’ve known each other your whole lives when in reality you probably don’t even know each others names. It’s a really comforting environment and makes you feel really appreciated. I also loved spending time with those of my high school friends who do go to the same college as me because to me change is a really difficult thing to process but at least it’s not completely different:)
But besides the whole fact that I turned 19 and spent time with my friends let’s get into the part where everyone’s been waiting for: The realizations and thoughts.
As I mentioned before I hated celebrating my birthday but not because I was scared of growing up because if anything, I’ve never wanted to grow up so fast. It’s a sucky thing at times because everyone arounds you lives in the moment but when you’re me you live every 4 years and think that far ahead to your future to where you stress so much about something you can’t guarantee the outcome for. I wish I constantly didn’t have to think like this but I genuinely can’t help it, my careless dad raised a careful daughter (Taylor Swift moment, don’t worry I love my dad he’s a great man but he’s the total opposite of me, he has no care for these fears and stressors but I am the one who cares so much) anyways, I love the fact that I am able to care about the future because that means I get prepared for both outcomes but it also truly sucks because you constantly stress over those little things and it starts to control you completely. Turning 19, I realized how far ahead I was looking and that it started to concern my friends.
I had a conversation and a friend had asked me “TT you talk about the future a lot but do you have an off switch? Because most people I know who think that far, are very unrelaxed in life, do you consider yourself a relaxed person?”
The answer is no.
I am the most unrelaxed person you’ll ever meet, I stress myself out constantly and complain A LOT. Recently I’ve noticed this more and more as my schoolwork and extracurriculars start to pile up and take more of my time. I remembered sitting down at the big gray table at my sorority house and said to myself “Wow, I’m really stressed” and sometimes all it takes is the awareness of stress to get you to pinpoint and calm down your nerves. I think im starting to improve a lot on that because these past 2 weeks have been the most occupying weeks but I’ve managed it well. I still do get extremely stressed but I learned to give myself a break and just take a deep breath because thats really all I can do.
Alongside that realization, I had also concluded that one more year I will officially no longer be a teen. Yes I know 18 years old is considered an adult in many ways but when you’re officially out of the “teen” years it’s a whole different level. For many people turning a different age feels and means nothing to them but to me I feel like a completely different person and have a whole new perspective on life which is why I make these birthday posts to begin with because even though I seem like the only one who feels this way, maybe eventually others will finally understand where I’m getting at.
Although I do feel as if I am 4 years ahead of other teens my age and so I don’t expect people to understand. I think I also grew up too fast and while I love being mature and independent I wonder what i’d be like more carefree. I don’t think any amount of mindset could change how I am now but to be honest, I could never be a carefree person to begin with.
Another thing was that as I am getting older, songs are finally becoming more and more relatable. This doesn’t take you 19 years to figure out but I feel as if every song finally starts to make sense in my life. It’s a weird thought but I really over evaluate all my music nowadays.
Anyways, this blog isn’t as long as my other ones or as detailed but I know people wanted something and I wanted to bring this out because my birthday was so long ago. Thank you everyone for reading like always and remember to keep on living:)
- Sincerely, TT
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